It’s funny how you think you love someone and when it comes down to it and the tough gets going that person leaves you in the dust with nothing but your thoughts and a broken heart. Now despite all your efforts to reach out to that person that person acts like an abused dog and backs away as soon as you try to talk and reconcile. Why? I think to myself…my conclusion can only be a guess as to what has accumulated in that persons mind the entire time you guys were together. Why did he wait til things built up to finally explode? Many people might just assume that the person has no real control and in order to find some control they latch on to the notion that it is everyones fault but their own. Truth of the matter is that person is so afraid of what might happen that they let good things go just to later regret there choice in what they believed is a methodical way of assessing the problem. The guy who we call Adam and I have had several discussions about life and our plans for the future. He wanted children and I do not, he wanted to be a screenwriter and I want to be a doctor, he was organized and I’m the exact opposite, he was always late, and I’m very punctual, he was reserved and quiet, Im outgoing and loud, but through all those qualities I truly felt that we were compatible simply because we brought qualities that we both needed to the relationship, qualities that we both could have benefited from. This person didn’t see things this way, he felt that because we werent the exact same person that we were to different to work. My last concern was that this guy wanted a wife and kids and at 30 was still living with his dad, so I thought to myself how can this guy jump to wanting a wife and kids but fails to move out of his dads house, everything he did involved a long drawn out thought process that would take months, and I mean months. It took him a year to say he wanted a relationship and never once did he say I love you. So we dated under no official title for one year and then as a couple for another year and three months. So I have come to the conclusion that I thought I was dating a man but in reality I was dating a little boy who is afraid of anything that is new.
He was just another neighbor, another person who mowed their lawn at annoying hours of the morning, another person I could see from my bedroom window,..another person who I had to deal with because well,…he lived on my street…before then he had been non existent in my life. However that all changed a few weeks ago…I remember pulling up to my driveway only to see my neighbor who we will call Alex standing there having a conversation with my mom. Probably about the normal things that homeowners discuss, you know mortgage, the homeowners association fees ecetera…me of course not being a homeowner had basically zero to no interest in the discussion,.. my main attraction was the neighbor (Alex) as I got out of my car I’m excited to finally be meeting the guy who before was someone I simply waved to as I was leaving the street…After intially meeting him we mentioned a couple of dating sites you know through just conversation, and briefly discussed video games, and then simply parted ways….days later I log onto my online dating account to find that he has sent me a message.I immediately read it,…my first thought was wow this guy remembered which site I had mentioned through casual conversation.We sent a couple messages back and forth and eventually traded contact numbers which then set off an array of texts back forth to each other about the mundane things, whats your favorite color? Favorite Food?…And aside from all that banal information I noticed that we started to text each other more often then not and began to engage in the type of conversation that is meaningful and heartfelt…here he was the guy who I would wave to from time to time sitting in front of me telling me about his life and sharing his wisdom with me, and I sat there across from him completely fascinated with his demeanor and his wordly views on life,relationships, and children. I immediately became captivated with his entire being…and as he sat there talking and captivating me even further,..I stopped and thought, “This guy is amazing. Why wouldnt anyone want to be with him?” As he was coming to the conclusion of what I thought was the next great American Novel in spoken form…I thought he’s so handsome, he’s so wise, he’s so practical, all things I felt I lacked. Everytime I’ve engaged in conversation with him he has absolutely had the power to draw me in to his world and his life. Although he is twelve years my senior…he makes me feel like the sexiest girl in the world. His hands are soft, his lips are sweet, and his eyes look like seas of endless love and devotion. The kind of love and devotion someone can only hope to stumble upon…I just happen to live close enough to partake in his effort and live to see him through my bedroom window.
He works down the street at a gas station…I go in there once in a blue moon to buy a pack of cigarettes…I’ve noticed him eyeing me when I come in but nothing more…well one morning as I’m hurrying to get to work…I stop in but before I leave my driveway I write my name and number on a piece of paper and mentally prepare myself to hand this guy my number… I walk in and hand him the piece of paper…he smiles and says wow ok…and before I even leave the parking lot he texts me…we talk for a few days before he asks me on a date which I gladly accepted…and everything goes great…we talk more and more and soon we are talking every minute of every day and basically can’t get enough of each other…one day I walk in and a co worker calls me over and asks me what I thought were pretty strange questions…for example was I born here…where are my parents from…are we citizens…yes I replied to all of them…well she proceeded to tell me that he is here on a student visa and that he needs to get married in order to stay in this country…when I asked him his reply was, “I didn’t want you to find out like that.” What the F***? I didn’t know there was a better way to tell someone that the only reason you texted them was because you wanted citizenship…I felt awful…he was amazing in every way minus the whole U.S Citizen stuff… What the hell I thought…well needless to say we have stopped communicating in every way…but I’ve got to say…I miss him with every ounce of my being…
Hello fellow bloggers
I’ve decided to start blogging because obviously I’m very opinionated and tend to run my mouth like there is no tomorrow…
I’ve got lots and lots of opinions on just about everything… So please stop by or just follow I’ve always got something to say.