So when I first signed up for this blog I didn’t really expect to use it but maybe once or twice but now I see myself consistently using it…which brings me to why I am even writing at 5:49 A.M. I just feel like if I write it down I can finally start to let go. So I went and saw my ex boyfriend last night I’m still not 100% sure how I knew that this would be the ultimate last and final time I would ever get to see or hug him ever. So when I first saw him my feelings rushed to my head and I wanted so badly for him just to tell me he loved me and that everything from here on out would be so much better and that he wanted to work on us…Ideally thats what I would of like to have happened, however we all know that’s not what happened, sure we talked but getting him to tell me the real reason was like pulling teeth but once I had gotten him to start talking I saw a side of him in the whole 3 years I’ve known him I had never seen, a sincere and genuine side…I thought to myself maybe this man did care for me just a tad more than I had given him credit for but it was too late he wasn’t ready to work on us and I couldn’t wait for him to be ready and at that point I felt like I was talking to a wall so I dropped it…However, I needed that closure I needed to know that this is what he really wanted and that he was satisfied in the decision he had made, so as each day without him starts to become more common and as the years go by where we start to disappear from each others lives and the memories of all the good times we had start to fade that’s when I think it will hit me that me and him are truly over but also I will always know he was the one who didn’t see me as being special, that I will be forever the one who didn’t give up and even later on down this incredibly long winding road of emotion, he will always be the one who gave up. In my mind I know me and him had an amazing bond that only we knew, a bond so tight we were able to go from having the loudest most obnoxious arguments to the most sweet and sincere conversations. Only in this relationship. I’ll never forget.
I wish him the best of luck and I hope he finds what he is looking for.